Ways To Annoy People: Airplane
by HermioneMaggieJareau
Summary: Fourth part to my "Ways To Annoy People" series. In this one, Penelope Garcia is pulling some pranks while on a plane.
1. Witness Protection Program

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back with my fourth installment of my "Ways to Annoy People" series! To recap your memories, we've seen Reid doing some weird and annoying stuff in an elevator. Then we've seen Hotch and his son Jack, doing some weird and annoying stuff at the beach. And recently, we saw Prentiss and Clyde doing some weird and annoying stuff in the movie theater. Now it's Garcia's turn to have some fun! In the fic you're about to read, we'll have Garcia doing some weird and annoying things on an airplane. I really hope you will all enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: Everyone else in this chapter is mine, but unfortunately, Garcia doesn't belong to me.**

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><p><strong>"It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it." ~Author Unknown<strong>

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><p>Penelope Garcia had just settled into her seat next to the window at the back of the plane, in the coach section. She was on her way to visit Emily Prentiss over in London. She was sitting quietly with her large handbag on her lap and looking out the window, just waiting for the plane to take off. Soon, a tall, thin woman with auburn colored hair and blue eyes, who was slightly older than Garcia and wearing a business skirt and matching jacket, settled into the seat next to her. The two of them smiled at each other.<p>

"Hi, I'm Cassidy Sherwood." The woman extended her hand and Garcia shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you. I'm Daphne Irwin. Well, actually my name is Penelope Garcia, but recently I was forced to changed it. You see, I had witnessed a really horrific murder, so the FBI gave me a new name and are sending me over to London until they can catch the guy. Who knows? He could even be on this very same plane. Ooh! Are you in the witness protection program too?!"

Cassidy, who was clearly unaware that Garcia had been lying to her, was starting to become nervous, but she spoke calmly. "No, I'm not in the witness protection program. I'm just going to London, strictly for business and to visit my cousin Nelson, if I've got time."

Garcia sighed and said, "Well it's nice that you're only going for business and family, but it's too bad you're not in the witness protection program like me. We could have shared our stories with each other."

A few moments later, the stewardess approached the two women. With a smile, she asked, "Can I get either of you ladies anything?"

"Do you have any of those giant chocolate cookies?" Garcia asked.

"Yes, would you like one of those?" The stewardess asked.

"Oh, I would most definitely love one of those!" Garcia smiled as she spoke to the stewardess.

"And can I get you anything, ma'am?" The stewardess asked Cassidy.

"I'm sorry, but would it be possible for me to move to another seat? I've just never been too comfortable sitting at the back of a plane." Cassidy asked, silently hoping Garcia wouldn't catch onto the real reason why she wanted to change seats, but unknown to her, Garcia knew.

"I'm sure we can move you to another seat that isn't at the back of the plane. Just wait here for a moment and I'll go check." The stewardess walked away.

"It's not you that making me uncomfortable. It really is the back of the plane that makes me nervous. Honestly." Cassidy said, hoping Garcia would believe her.

"No need to spare my feelings. If I were you, I wouldn't want to sit next to me, either." Garcia explained.

"Thanks for understanding." Cassidy said.

"You're welcome."

Soon, the stewardess came back and said, "Ma'am, there is a seat a few rows up from these seats, that is available. Would you like that seat instead?"

"That would be great. Thank you so much." Cassidy quickly rose from her seat and was already going for her newfound seat.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Cassidy!" Garcia called out.

"Likewise, good luck with everything!" Cassidy called back.

"Thanks!"

Soon after all passengers had boarded the plane and taken their seats, it was now time for the plane to take lift-off. A man had now taken over the seat that was once occupied by Cassidy. Resting her head against the headrest of her seat, Garcia looked out the window and smiled, while thinking, _"Yep… this plane ride won't be boring at all."_

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><p><strong>End of chapter one. So… what did you all think about it? Don't worry, you can be honest with me. My feelings won't get hurt. Okay, maybe just a little, but I'll get over it. Leave me some reviews! Chapter two will be up as soon as possible. <strong>


	2. I Left The Stove On!

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed for chapter one. I'm so glad you all like it. There was this one reviewer who warned me not to "jump the shark" with this fic and I appreciate their concern with this, but I can assure you all, I don't condone any violent or suspicious behavior on airplanes or any other transportation device. Every chapter in this fic will be purely just fun. None of the pranks that Garcia pulls in this fic, contain violence or suspicion. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this second chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Garcia and any other Criminal Minds character mentioned in this chapter… yep, still not mine and probably will never be mine. Fred Sanford, however is my creation. Oh and so is the stewardess.**

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><p>It had been over ten minutes since take off and Garcia and the man next to her, had struck up a conversation with each other. The tall, slightly muscular, sandy haired and hazel eyed man had introduced himself as Fred Sanford. He was a first year college student who was studying to become an architect. Garcia had guessed that he was around Reid's age, maybe a few years younger.<p>

"What made you decide to become an architect?" Garcia asked.

"Ever since I could remember, I've always had a fondness of building things. And I've always seen architecting as a way of art." Fred said.

"My five year old godson Henry, likes to build things with legos and then he likes to stomp on them as if he were a giant or something. So I'm really not sure if he wants to be an architect or a giant."

Fred smiled and said, "I have a couple of little cousins around that age and who also does that with legos. So, what made you decide to become a Technical Analyst for the B.A.U.?"

"I used to be a criminal hacker, until one day, the FBI managed to catch me. And Aaron Hotchner, my… OH MY GOD! I LEFT THE STOVE ON!" Garcia had interrupted herself, resulting in the shocked looks from nearly everyone.

The stewardess had calmly approached Garcia and asked, "Ma'am, are you alright?"

"NO, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL THE PIOLET TO TURN THIS PLANE AROUND AND LAND IT?! I HAVE TO TURN OFF THE STOVE!" Garcia did her best panic imitation.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you not to shout because you're scaring the other passengers. And I'm sorry, but we cannot turn this plane around for you, but is there anyone who you can call, to turn your stove off for you?" The stewardess asked.

"My friend, JJ has a key to my apartment. I'll try to call her." Garcia began dialing JJ's number on her cell phone, until she realized something and smacked a hand to her forehead, while laughing. "Oh my god! I am such an idiot! I forgot that I didn't even use the stove at all last night! My friends and I went out for dinner! How could I not remember that?!"

Feeling slightly uncomfortable, but still managing to keep the smile on her face, the stewardess placed a hand on Garcia's shoulder and said, "I guess we all can be a little forgetful, sometimes."

After all was calm and the stewardess walked away, Garcia finished telling Fred about how she got her job at the B.A.U. "Anyway, as I was saying, Aaron Hotchner, my boss, had given me a choice. And that choice was to either go to prison or work for the FBI. Obviously, I chose to work for them. It's actually a really great job."

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><p><strong>End of chapter two. I would really love to know what you all thought. So, please leave me some reviews! Chapter three will be up as soon as possible.<strong>


	3. Arts And Crafts Corner

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed for chapter two. I'm glad most of you liked it. Now as for the guest reviewer who left the hate review, all I have to say for that is; No, I've never flown on a plane, but this is a humor fic. It's meant to be funny! Apparently, you don't have a sense of humor. So, maybe this fic just isn't your type? But I really don't care what you think of this, as long as it's getting reviews, good or bad. So you can either continue to read it and send bad reviews for it or go back to your crayons, coloring book and juice box. Oh and Psst…. I googled "architecting" and from what I learned, it is a word, but it just isn't proper. Just thought I'd tell you that in case you end up seeing this. Anyway, for the rest of you lovelies, I really really really hope you'll enjoy this third chapter as much as the first two. **

**Disclaimer: Garcia? nope still not mine. Everyone else in this chapter? Yep mine!**

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><p>It had been a few minutes since the whole stove incident, and everyone was now quiet, except for a few whispering conversations that could barely be heard. Fred was now supporting a pair of headphones and Garcia was looking out the window. Soon, she took her attention away from the window and started rummaging through her large hand bag, pulling out various arts and crafts items, minus any sharp objects, knowing that they wasn't allowed.<p>

Curious as to what she was doing, Fred removed the headphones and asked, "Excuse me, Penelope, but what are you doing?"

"Just be patient, Fred and you'll find out soon." That was all Garcia said, until a moment later when she tapped on the shoulders on the two women who were in the seats in front of her and Fred's.

The woman sitting beside the window, was thin with a red pixie haircut and blue eyes. And the woman sitting next to her, was slightly shorter and close to Garcia's size with brown hair and blue eyes. The two women turned to see what Garcia had wanted.

"Hi, I'm Penelope Garcia and this is Fred Sanford." Garcia had introduced both herself and Fred to the two women.

"Hi, I'm Della Colleton and this is my sister, Theodora Colleton." The woman by the window, said as both she and her sister, smiled at Fred and Garcia.

Garcia smiled back and said, "It's very nice to meet the both of you." She then began passing out arts and crafts supplies to Fred, Della and Theodora. "Okay, this is our little Craft Corner and we are going to make our favorite kind of animal out of the supplies we have. You have two minutes to complete your work. Have fun and you may now begin."

Obviously confused as to what was going on, but not wanting to ask, Fred, Della and Theodora began their art projects. Soon, two minutes had passed and Garcia said, "Alright, stop what you're doing. The two minutes are now up."

Obeying Garcia, Fred, Della and Theodora had stopped what they were doing. Out of the four of them, only Garcia's animal was completely finished. Fred had made a lion with part of its mane gone. Della's animal was supposed to be a rabbit, but was missing the tail. And Theodora had attempted to make a squirrel, but failed to add the paws. Looking at their works of art, Garcia happily exclaimed, "Ooh! I love them! A+ for all three of you!"

Fred, Della and Theodora all had confused looks on their faces. Clearly, they couldn't see how Garcia would love unfinished artwork and give them all a good grade on it.

"But ours isn't even finished yet, and yours is a cat that is finished and very perfect." Theodora said.

Carefully studying her own artwork of a perfect replica of a cat, Garcia then tossed it aside and said, "Eh, its ears are too big and its tail is too long. I give myself an F."

"Well, it's better than ours." Della said as Fred and Theodora agreed with her.

Garcia held up her hands in front of her and said, "No, no. Don't comfort me. I'll just work a little harder and someday I'll thank myself for this."

Speechless, the three of them just stared at her, until turning their attention, elsewhere.

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><p><strong>End of chapter three. Please leave me some reviews because I'd love to know what you all thought. Chapter four will be up as soon as possible.<strong>


	4. The Reception Is Much Clearer Up Here!

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed for chapter three. As for the guest reviewer, I would like to apologize for my author's note in chapter three. I realized that maybe I was a little out of line. So, I'm sorry, but honestly, I only did it because I just thought you were being a little too harsh with your review. Like I have said many times, I'll accept bad reviews. I just don't like the mean ones and maybe you wasn't being mean with your review. I probably just assumed you were. I never said there was anything wrong with crayons and coloring books. I was just giving you and option of what you could do. No need to fly off the handle on me giving you a choice… no offense. I'm glad you liked the arts and crafts corner chapter. Honestly, I really don't think I've gone over the top with any of these chapters. Okay, well maybe chapter two was a little over the top. And to clear things up here, I don't expect only "OMG this is the best story eva!" reviews. You're making it seem like I act like I'm the greatest fanfic author on this site. If you would take time to view my profile, I clearly state that I'm not a bragger. I don't think I'm the greatest fanfic author. In fact, I know I'm far from it. Oh and one more thing, when you said, "I'm not a mindless drone here," it felt like you were insulting the people who do sometimes put "OMG this is the best story eva!" in their reviews. This little misunderstanding is between you and I. There is absolutely no need to drag everyone else into it. So if you want to insult someone, then insult me. No one else deserves to be insulted. Anyway, I'm ending our little misunderstanding, here. You can continue it, if you'd like, but I'm probably just going to ignore you; so in other words, you'd be arguing with yourself. Moving on to chapter four….**

**Disclaimer: Garcia isn't mine and neither is Reid. But everyone else in this chapter is mine!**

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><p>Nearly ten minutes had passed since the whole craft corner moment. Everyone was quietly minding their own business. Some were talking to each other and others just wanted to get to the location already.<p>

Along with Fred, Garcia now had a pair of headphones. She was quietly enjoying the music that was coming from the headphones and looking out the window. Not only was she looking out the window and listening to music, she was also thinking of her next prank. She spent nearly three minutes just thinking of a really great prank, until one finally came to her brilliant mind. Removing her headphones and pulling out her cell phone, Garcia dialed a number. She then spoke into the phone and loudly said, "HELLO GOD?! IT'S ME, PENELOPE! I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT THE RECEPTION IS MUCH CLEARER UP HERE!"

Garcia looked around and noticed everyone was giving her odd looks as if she were crazy. She then placed her hand over her cell phone and said in a hushed whisper, "Do you people mind?! I'm trying to have a private conversation with God! It's very rude to eavesdrop!"

"We wouldn't be eavesdropping if you didn't speak so loud." A man from across the aisle, said.

Garcia glared at the man and then spoke back into her cell phone, but this time, in a normal tone of voice. "God, I'll have to call you back, later. …. Yes, I know I told you the reception is much clearer up here. It's just that, I have no privacy here. …. You understand? Okay, good!" Tossing her cell phone back into her handbag, Garcia then folded her arms across her chest and said, "Well, I hope you all are happy now! Eavesdropping in on a conversation between God and myself!"

"God doesn't even have a cell phone! We all know you really wasn't talking to him! You were probably just talking to a friend of yours!" A woman rudely said.

"You only think God doesn't have a cell phone, but you are wrong! God and I just have a great relationship together, that we exchanged phone numbers. I can't help it if you're jealous of our relationship!" Garcia retorted back.

Not knowing what to say, the woman decided to ignore Garcia. Garcia smiled to herself as she stared out the window. The woman was in fact, actually right about what she had said and Garcia knew she was right. God doesn't have a cell phone and Garcia was actually speaking to a friend when she was on the cell phone because now, somewhere in D.C., Spencer Reid had a very confused look on his face and wondering why the hell Garcia would call him, "God."

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><p><strong>End of chapter four. Let me know what you all thought! So leave me some reviews! Chapter five will be up as soon as possible! <strong>


	5. Childhood Friend

**A/N: Thanks to the people who read and reviewed for chapter four. I'm glad you all liked it. Okay, I wasn't going to mention this, but it's been on my mind for quite some time, now… I feel as though some of you are still taking this story, seriously. Once again, this story is just a piece of fiction that's meant to be fun and harmless and I do not condone or encourage anyone to participate in any of these pranks in real life.  I wouldn't even participate in any of these pranks, mainly because of two reasons…. I'm a very well mannered person in real life, and I have a fear of flying. Anyway, I hope that clears things up, now. Without further ado, here is chapter five. **

**Disclaimer: Penelope Garcia is not mine. She is the property of CBS/Criminal Minds. However, everyone else who is mentioned in this chapter, is mine. **

Everyone was now pretty much quiet, except for maybe a few whispering conversations. Fred was researching some stuff on his laptop computer, while Garcia was reading a book that she had brought on the plane with her. It had been nearly fifteen minutes since her previous prank.

After reading two chapters, Garcia closed the book and silently decided that it was time for her next prank. She wrinkled up her blouse, ratted up her hair, and smeared frosting from a chocolate cupcake, on her teeth and on the outside of her mouth. She then stood up and said, "Excuse me, Fred, but I need to get through here."

Not taking his eyes off his computer, Fred picked it up and stood in the aisle, so Garcia could get through. When she made her way into the aisle, Fred sat back down and continued with his researching. He hadn't even noticed the way Garcia looked.

Garcia made her way into the first class area. She walked all the way down the aisle and stopped at one of the front row seats. Sitting alone, near the window, was a woman of about Garcia's age.

"Oh my God! I don't believe it! Julissa Auden!" Garcia joyfully exclaimed as she sat down and pulled the now confused woman into a hug. The woman awkwardly pulled away from Garcia and said, "I'm sorry, but you must…"

"You don't remember me, do you? It's me, Lily-Belle Maddock! Your childhood friend from Mississippi." Garcia interrupted the woman.

"I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken. I've never even been to Mississippi and I'm not who you think I am." The woman said.

"Now, I know it's been years since we last saw each other, but I never forget a face and you haven't changed a bit. What have you been up to, all these years?"

"My name isn't Julissa Auden. It's Glenna Tierney."

"I see you've finally changed your first name. You were always telling me and everybody else in the neighborhood, how much you loved that named and wished it were yours. Now, about the last name, is it a married name or did you just pick it?"

"Glenna Tierney has been my name, since the day I was born."

Garcia laughed and said, "I see what you're doing there. You're trying to convince yourself that Julissa Auden was never even a part of your life, when she's the same person as you. Tell me, what you've been doing all these years. Did you finally make it to Broadway, like you've always dreamed of?"

"I have never wanted to go to Broadway." Glenna said.

"Oh, yes you have. You always talked about it. Well anyway, it was nice seeing you again. Tell your family I said "Hi" and I'll come visit, whenever I got time. And you have to come visit me whenever you can too." Garcia pulled Glenna into one last hug, before standing up and walking away. Glenna was left with an even more confused look on her face.

**End of chapter five. Please tell me what you thought. I'd love to see some reviews. The final chapter will be up as soon as possible. Oh and did you know that the name 'Auden' means old friend? **


	6. The Revolt

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed for chapter five! I'm glad you all really enjoyed it. So without further ado, here is the final chapter of this story…**

**Disclaimer: Garcia, Clyde and Prentiss are not mine. However, Fred and all other characters in this chapter is mine.**

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><p>A few hours had passed since Garcia's previous prank and she had fallen asleep since then. When she woke up, she was already preparing for her next prank. Digging through her handbag, she pulled out a piece of pink construction paper and folded it into a captain's hat and placed it on her head. Not allowed to have any sharp objects on the plane, Garcia did her best to craft a paper sword, just by using her hands. She was quite happy with the results.<p>

Fred, who had been wearing a pair of headphones and had been sleeping, suddenly felt a light tapping on his shoulder. Slightly startled, he quickly woke up and nearly jumped out of his seat.

"Whoa! Calm down Fred, it's just me, Penelope!" Garcia whispered.

Collecting himself and removing the headphones, Fred took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry, Penelope. I just get a little jumpy whenever people wake me up. I've always been that way."

"No need to apologize to me. I'm sorry for scaring you, though, but I do need to get through." Garcia said as she stood up and waited for Fred to let her through.

Standing up and allowing her to pass through, Fred casually asked, "What's up with the captain's hat and paper sword?"

"You'll find out in a moment." That was all Garcia said as she made her way up to the front of the coach section.

"Excuse me, but may I please have everyone's attention?!"

Stopping what they were doing, everyone looked up to see Garcia, wearing a paper captain's hat and holding a paper sword. They all had confused looks on their faces and were curious to what she had to say.

"Thank you, now you're probably wondering what's up with the paper hat and paper sword. And it's because of them." Garcia nodded her head towards the first class area. "I'm just so sick and tired of them getting better things than we do. They have better and more comfortable chairs, better food, and they even get wine. And what do we get? Well, we certainly don't get what they get. So, here's what I'm saying, how about we over take the them and take their seats, forcing them to sit back here? Who's with me?!" Garcia was a bit shocked and surprised to see some hands go up, including Fred's.

"Alright, let's…."

"Attention passengers, we are preparing for landing. Please return to your seats and remain seated until we are landed." The pilot had interrupted Garcia as his voice came over the speaker phone.

"Dang it!" Garcia said in frustration. "Well, I'm sorry everyone, but I guess we won't be leading a revolt against the first class passengers. We'll just have to do it, some other time."

After the plane had landed and everyone got off it and retrieved their luggage, Garcia and Fred were walking together and talking to each other. Garcia was also trying to find Emily, who was supposed to be at the airport to pick her up.

"Do you see your friend?" Fred asked.

"No, not yet, but she'll be here. What about you? Is anyone picking you up?"

"No, I 'm just going to call a cab."

"Oh, well okay. I'm sorry if I freaked you out with all those pranks on the plane." Garcia apologized.

"What?! Are you kidding me?! That was the most fun I've ever had on an airplane! Next time I'm on another plane, I hope you're on it!" Fred admitted as he smiled.

Garcia smiled back and said, "Awe! Thanks Fred. I hope the same too."

"PENELOPLE!" Shouted two voices that sounded very familiar to Garcia.

Looking ahead of her, Garcia was very happy to see both Clyde and Emily, smiling and waving at her, just standing a few feet away.

"Oh! She's here and so is Clyde! Come on, you have to meet them." Garcia practically dragged Fred along with her as she rushed over to her two friends. She embraced them both in a hug.

"How was the flight?" Emily asked with a smile.

"It was great." Garcia smiled back. She then introduced Fred to Clyde and Emily. And Clyde and Emily shook hands with him and smiled.

"Your friend is truly one of the funniest people I've ever met. If she hadn't have been on that plane, I'd probably be bored out of my mind, by now." Fred said.

"Oh really?" Emily and Clyde looked at Garcia.

"Yeah… It's possible I may be banned from planes for a while because of some pranks I pulled." Garcia admitted.

Emily and Clyde both laughed and Emily said, "Well, we may be banned from the movie theater because of some of the pranks that we pulled there."

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><p><strong>"At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities." ~Jean Houston<strong>

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><p><strong>Well, we've reached the end of this fic. Like the others, I had a really great time writing it. Even though this one has come to an end, don't worry, there's still more to come. Coming up, we've got An Annoying Ways fic with Morgan in the center of it. So without further ado, would you please review for this final chapter?<strong>


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